Embracing My Pain: A Journey of Healing and Understanding

There were countless moments in my life when I felt deep pain but never found the courage to vocalize what I was truly feeling. This silence began early on. I would speak up, saying, “Hey, this hurts. I don’t feel good. I think something’s wrong,” and too often, my words were met with dismissal. I’d hear phrases like, “You’ll be okay,” or “You’re just being a crybaby.” It baffled me. How could anyone who wasn’t inside my body understand what I was experiencing? 

Repeatedly facing this kind of response led me to seek answers about my pain, eventually questioning whether it was all in my head. I vividly recall one night after Christmas caroling with friends when the pain became unbearable. I had to stop at the grocery store, desperately searching for relief. In my frantic state, I ended up purchasing something that turned out to be toxic to me. It was only then that I truly felt heard, as the gravity of my situation became apparent. I could have harmed myself, and it was a wake-up call to the reality that my pain had been consistently ignored. 

For years, I was led to believe that I was weak and overly emotional. It took a long time to realize that my struggles were valid and that the mantra of “mind over matter” wasn’t always the solution. I came to understand that wishing for relief wouldn’t magically make the pain vanish. By the time I grasped this truth, I found myself in a life-threatening situation. 

This journey has been anything but easy. Sometimes, I struggle to recognize my pain because I was never taught to honor my feelings. I’ve hurt, I’ve endured, and I’ve survived. It’s a complex realization: how could I not determine the level of pain I was in, yet also acknowledge that ignoring my pain was equally wrong? 

It’s heartbreaking to realize that those who should have had my best interests at heart were often the ones who hurt me the most. This realization made me want to retreat into myself, to curl up and disconnect from human interaction altogether. But it also takes courage to pull oneself out of that dark place. I believe this aspect of healing is rarely discussed. Everyone's journey is unique, and while basic healing concepts are often shared, it’s the intricate details that truly resonate and help others recognize what they might be missing.

Today, I stand in a place of understanding, knowing that I was ignored, yet still yearning for healthy human connections. I often feel disillusioned by others’ inability to see how their past experiences shape their present decisions. I wonder why some souls, who have also suffered, haven’t taken the time to acknowledge what needs healing. But with reflection, I realize that everyone is at a different point in their healing journey, which fuels my desire to help others even more.

Healing is a multifaceted journey, filled with triggers and challenges along the way. The most crucial aspect is recognizing that you are healing. It’s essential to give yourself grace and set boundaries with those who can’t honor your feelings. Not everything is personal in the realm of healing; sometimes, people just need someone to be present with them as they navigate their struggles. 

We must listen more and refrain from saying, “If I were you,” or sharing our own experiences as if they are universal. Each person is unique, and I strive to help others find their way to peace and clarity on the other side of healing. 

To anyone reading this, remember that you are different, and your journey is your own. My sincere hope is that you find solace in knowing everything will be okay. Never give up on your healing journey; there is a brighter day ahead.